I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
