we have pet lesbian snakes
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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