Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
