A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
