Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
