It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
