he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She's the barista slut.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
