I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize