If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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