saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
