Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
