I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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