Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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