he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
