The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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