Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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