sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
