if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
