Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
