my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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