Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
