Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
