Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
