I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Soap is not a condiment
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize