I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
