Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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