I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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