the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
