i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
