Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
