She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
