The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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