Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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