Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize