have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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