so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
