my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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