you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i came on her dog
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
