At least make sure they are 18
Why
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
