hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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