You're a womanizer and a bitch.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
