Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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