my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
