did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
