You made me cry and you don't even care
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
