I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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