I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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