Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
