I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
