I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize