i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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