His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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