fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She's the barista slut.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
