I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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