I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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