She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Blood and glitter go together right?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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