Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
