last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
