I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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