come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
