Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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