Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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