My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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