Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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