the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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