The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
